


my love, my light

by transmollymauk



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Internalized Transphobia, M/M, also a reupload, brief menstruation topic, felt sad so I wrote this, julian loves his boyfriend, trans muriel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:20:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26587258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transmollymauk/pseuds/transmollymauk
Summary: Julian just wants the best for Muriel, though that’s trickier than it seems.{Re-uploaded! Trigger warning for some internalized transphobia}
Relationships: Julian Devorak/Muriel
Kudos: 23





	my love, my light

It doesn’t take long for Julian to notice something is up.

He’s used to Muriel’s antics - waking up in the middle of the night to check on the forest, or eating a bowl of cereal with ice cubes at five in the evening - but this… this is different. He feels the love of his life shying away from him for reasons he doesn’t even know of. It’s not as though he can outright ask him; Muriel is shy, easily startled - it would frighten him to be asked too many questions.

So Julian waits. He waits for a good five days, until he absolutely can’t anymore.

He’s used to the routine his lover has: waking up at four in the morning to feed Inanna and the chickens, and maybe himself after; he bathes privately in the rivers or nearest puddle, as long as nobody’s around to spot him; he chops wood for the winter and enough to use for the night ahead, and he sometimes braves the city market, if only to get bread and spices for the same meals he always makes.

He’s been eating differently since Julian came into the picture, though. The doctor would arrive at the hut with a basket of fruits and sandwiches his sister prepared, and Muriel’s given up on refusing. Julian sees that he’s getting softer with the new food choices, and much more cuddly - the man was all muscles, but ate little. It was a small accomplishment of the doctor’s, but a good one.

Still. This past week, the hermit of Vesuvia has been handing his meals to Inanna or his feathered friends when he thinks Julian isn’t looking - but Julian grew up with kids younger than himself and would be on patrol, seeing who’s been eating and who wasn’t. He’s let this go for a little while, but enough’s enough, especially when Muriel walks out of the hut, swaying to-and-fro like a leaf in the wind.

“Woah there, big guy, slow down!” Julian sets down whatever book he was about to plow through when he sees the sight. A grumble comes as a reply, followed by the squeak of the door shutting, but Julian runs off after the taller man just to be safe.

He’s not used to the forest just yet.

Muriel, despite his height and size, is fast. He’s a natural sprinter from his days in the ring with those other men, and Julian can’t help but smile at his speed. It doesn’t take more than thirty seconds until the doctor finds himself absolutely lost in this mess of a forest - somehow his lover sneaked off, leaving no footprints behind to show the path. The trees all look the same, Julian notes in his head, as he starts to head left.

He’s gaining speed the further he goes, and the trees start to clear and show a dusty pink-blue sky. No clouds, no smoke from any nearby homes - no wonder Muriel saw these grounds as a home.  _ Now isn’t the time to stop and enjoy the view, Julian, _ he scolded himself in the back of his mind. On he trekked, hoping and praying that he’d find the giant soon.

He hears whistling first.

The trees have vanished from sight, and in their place sits a rather large pond. It’s nothing like the baths at the palace, nor the hot springs he’s been to before, but Julian is in awe at the sparkles in the water. He’s in even more awe when he sees the whistler ahead of him.

_ Muriel. There you are… _

He removes his satchel from his shoulder, setting it aside for later. Off come his boots, then his shirt - maybe he can surprise his beloved with a makeout session, knocking them both into the water. Yes, Muriel might enjoy that, he muses. His pants stay on as he wades his way ever so quietly over to the whistling man.

The tune is foreign, he notes as he gets closer. It’s… it sounds rather melancholy rather than pleasant.

Muriel mustn’t have heard his doctor as he played his tune, as he jumped in place when Julian wrapped long arms around him. He pushed him aside, muttering a curse under his breath; he began to escape the pond faster than his walk moments before; yet Julian’s able to grab for his wrist before he’s too far away.

“Let me go.”

“Muriel, dearest, what is this?” Julian sees that his partner isn’t looking at him. He’s turned away from him, as if hiding something so important. He firms his grip on his wrist. “You’ve been acting… different. Did… did I say something? You know I would never wish to hurt you, my-”

“You need to leave… please.” There’s a strain in the typically hoarse voice - is he about to cry? Julian can sense tension in the air. “Please go! G-go home and don’t come back.” Muriel jerks his wrist away from the redhead, and in a turn to move, Julian sees what was so secretive and sensitive.

He… that explained quite a bit.

“Darling, why didn’t you tell me you were… um…” Julian’s averting his eyes from the issue, though his face has gone a bright red already.  _ Don’t say anything, don’t say anything… _ “I didn’t realize you’re, uh…”

Muriel let out a wet huff. He’s out of the pond now, struggling to put on his clothes and cover up his chest. He longs to scream at the doctor, to tell him it’s not his business if what’s happening is actually happening, but all that comes out is a whimper.  _ Damn it. _

“...I’m not like you, Julian. I’m not… not real, like you. You can see it in the water, can’t you?” Muriel is practically sobbing and shivering, despite being dressed again. His arms are across his scarred chest, hiding what Julian can only describe as…

“Muriel, you’re so handsome.” Julian breathes, a smile on his serene face. He tilts his head to the side as though to show he wouldn’t cause any harm. A few steps forward and he was soon joining his partner on the grass.

He’s a doctor, he almost reminds Muriel, but chooses against it. He’s seen bleeding, scars, everything his beloved wants to hide. Heavens, he’s helped people in Muriel’s situation - to him, there’s absolutely nothing shameful about it.

With a swift gesture, he manages to slip his arms over Muriel’s torso, bringing him into a loose embrace. The taller man still shivers against him, ragged breaths ringing into Julian’s ears. But this is a start.

He gets them both down onto the grass for a rest; his beloved has stopped his tears for now, though there’s an evident bright pink upon his cheeks. Now would be the perfect time for noise, able to drown out the silence.

Julian’s fiddling with his thumbs when Muriel clears his throat.

“I…” He frowns at first, unsure if he should continue. A rough hand comes up to wipe at his eyes; he starts again. “It’s that… time. It was supposed to go away when… when Doctor Satrinava helped me… become me.” A pause. “They helped me lose my… front area. The scars are still here… I don’t want you to think any less of me…”

_ Oh… _

The redhead brings up a hand to cup Muriel’s face. Fresh tears start to roll; Julian brushes them aside at first, and kisses his face not long after. His hands and gaze move down to the scars mentioned; he smiles up at Muriel before he can weep again. “You’re so very handsome, my beloved,” he says, loud enough for only one to hear. Ever so carefully, he runs a finger across each scar, sending Muriel into a shudder. “Nazali did a great job - say, you’re taking stuff to help you feel… more like who you were born to be?” A nod. He smiled in reply. “Ah. My sister is doing the same. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, honey.”

Muriel snorted. “You don’t know what it’s like,” he huffs. Still, he’s carding a hand through the doctor’s red locks, and his heart is fluttering with every trace he makes around the scars. “You were born a man. You don’t bleed every month. You don’t… you don’t know what it’s like to be born one way and be something so different.” His tone isn’t at all accusing, though. He lets out a sigh. “Still… thank you. For not judging, I guess.”

Now it’s Julian’s turn to tear up. He’s pressing gentle kisses on Muriel’s scars, and begins to trail up to his neck, his lips, and his cheeks. Soon he has his hands on the back of Muriel’s head and his lips stuck to his. It’s a salty kiss, filled with so many feelings, but he’s happy. And he thinks Muriel is happy.  _ Yes. He is happy. _

They only pull away when the wind starts to poke through their exposed skin, with laughter in their eyes and in the air. The doctor helps his lover up from the grass, and the pair gets ready to head home.

For the first time in nearly a week, Julian can watch his dearest relax and, for the first time in their relationship, show off his physical appearance in a positive way.  _ I’ve really hit the jackpot with him, _ he thinks, laying in their bed;  _ I have the most handsome man in Vesuvia. _

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thanks for reading and my apologies for the re-upload. Warnings have been added to the tags just to be safe - my apologies if anyone’s been triggered before without the tags!
> 
> Comments and kudos are lovely but not necessary. Thanks <3


End file.
